How to Forgive Yourself When You’ve F***ed Up Royally

Image credit: John Hain

We all, at some point in our lives, end up doing things we regret.

Perhaps you were hurrying to get to work on time and ran over the cat. Or you lost your cool and spanked your kid. Or you made a stupid business decision which left you swimming in debt and unable to manifest your dreams. Or you came home drunk one too many times and now the love of your life has left you forever.

And so you’ve come to the wrenching realization that you f***ed up. Royally. And now you must face the painful consequences of your actions.

Will you Prolong the Tragedy…

Regret is a painful place to be. Not only do we feel dismay over whatever devastation we caused, but it usually brings up an entire legion of emotional specters: guilt, shame, self-doubt, worthlessness, fear. We can get mired in these emotions, sometimes for years—replaying the event over and over and mentally flogging ourselves for choices made or not made.

Perhaps the most insidious thing about regret is that it’s so easy to get sucked into the belief that by beating ourselves up we are somehow atoning for what we’ve done. That it’s somehow just and noble to suffer for our actions.

Well, it’s not.

The thoughts we dwell on affect our entire energy field. They affect our emotions, which directly affect our physical and mental health. And since other people pick up on what we’re feeling, they affect everyone around us, too.

Spending the rest of your life in regret and mourning may sound uber-romantic, but save it for your next pulp fiction novel. It’s not healthy for you or anyone you come into contact with. Essentially, it’s a refusal to let go of the tragedy—which means that when we get mired in regret, what we’re actually doing is amplifying and expanding the energy around the tragedy, which allows it to continue to cause even more suffering than it already has.

Will You Deny It…

At the other end of the spectrum is denial. At its most extreme, this shows up as a refusal to take responsibility for what happened. When we’re in denial, we play the blame game, pointing our fingers at other people, the weather, God, anywhere but ourselves.

Or, it can look like swallowing our feelings. While this can make us feel like we’re dealing with what happened, swallowing your emotions isn’t healthy either. It simply drives them deeper into your psyche, where they fester and can show up in surprising and unwelcome ways days, weeks, months, or years later in the form of emotional outbursts, depression, physical illness, etc. Again, not healthy for us or anyone else.

Or Will You Heal From It?

We can’t turn back the hands of time, as much as we might want to. We can’t undo damage that is done. But we can step forward and begin to heal from the experience. And to do that—as hard as it may be—we must forgive ourselves.

But how to forgive yourself?

I had to ask myself that the other day. Without going into details, I’d allowed myself to get caught up in a negative emotional trap and ended up lashing out in a quite hurtful way at someone I care about. While this person was generous and forgiving enough to talk it through and we are still on speaking terms, I may quite possibly have caused permanent damage to the relationship.

I knew I needed to forgive myself, but wasn’t even sure where to start. So I went within and asked my guidance. And I was given this process:

6 Steps to Self-Forgiveness: A Process for Healing From Royal F***ups

1. First, give yourself credit for owning your actions.

Taking responsibility for what happened is the first step to healing from the experience, both for you and others. There is a lesson in every negative experience. Holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes opens us up to receiving the lesson, learning it and moving on—whereas if we don’t, the lesson will keep coming up in new (and not so fun) ways until we are willing to face it and work through it.

2. Allow yourself to grieve.

Your actions resulted in loss. Grieving is necessary to process the experience, so that you and others can heal from it. (Even if there was loss of life involved, the individual who passed on will still be helped at the soul level.)

In healthy grieving, you let the emotions come up and pass through you. You don’t identify with them (wallowing), and you don’t repress them (swallowing.) Instead, you let them flow, and acknowledge and accept whatever you are feeling. As you do, instead of saying “I am sad,” or “I am angry,” tell yourself “I am feeling sad or mad.” That way, you set yourself up to control your emotions rather than the other way around.

It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve. It may take longer than you think, so be compassionate with yourself if feelings of grief are still coming up after you think you should be over it by now. Dedicating time to grieve your loss in a safe space will help you to process it more easily and more thoroughly.

Image credit: John Hain

3. Observe your emotions.

Don’t do this right away; let the feelings flow first. But once you’ve had some time to feel your emotions, start paying attention to exactly what these emotions are. You may be experiencing multiple emotions. Identify as many as you can.

As you do this, you may hear yourself speaking pretty harshly to yourself. Some of this negative self-talk might be related to the loss itself. (“I’m so stupid, how could I have done that?”) But you might also notice negative self-talk coming up around your own reactions to the loss.

For example, “OMG, my negligence caused my employee to break his leg and my big worry is not about his well being but that I’ll be stressed this week with him not there, what kind of a monster am I?” As you identify your emotions, be sure to also acknowledge the emotions behind this self-talk (such as feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, or lack.)

4. Find the core wound(s) behind your emotions.

Staying in the observer role, the next step is to let your emotions speak. Ask them directly, one by one, why they feel the way they do. For example, ask your anger: “Why are you feeling angry?” You might get a response like, “Nobody hears me, nobody sees me, I’m being abandoned and ignored, I’m not being given the love or acknowledgement I need, and I’m pissed about it.”

Write down everything it says, and then ask it if that is all. It may have more to say. If not, then move on and repeat the process with all the emotions you observed in Step 3.

Based on what your emotions say, you should be able to identify the core wounds that caused them. For instance, with the anger example above, we are dealing with abandonment (“I’m being abandoned and ignored”) and lack (“I’m not getting what I need.”)

5. Work to heal your core wounds.

Awareness is the first step to healing. Once you’re aware of your core wounds, there are many ways to go about healing them. You may want to use multiple methods.

One very powerful healing method is to use positive affirmations. To continue the example above, we might create an affirmation like: “I am being showered with love, attention, gifts, and blessings. The needs of my heart, mind, body, and soul are filled to overflowing. I feel loved and fulfilled.”

(Tip: When healing emotional wounds, be sure to connect your affirmations with positive emotions to replace the negative ones you want to heal, and really allow yourself to feel the new, positive emotions as you say the affirmation to yourself.)

If you find that your wounds keep coming up despite affirmations or other methods, you might consider requesting a shamanic healing session to help clear out stubborn negative energy that might still be hanging on, and/or bring back parts of your soul that may have gotten lost due to traumatic experiences in this or other lifetimes.

6. Finally, find your lessons and give thanks for them.

However hard, there was a reason for this experience. There may actually be many multiple reasons, many of which will be unknowable.

But the reason YOU experienced it is to flush up misalignments in your psyche and bring them into your life in a tangible way so that you can become aware of them, work through them, and heal them. As you look back over the experience, see if you can identify the lesson behind it. And be sure to give thanks for the lesson learned.

healing buddha
Image credit: John Hain

 

7 Rules for Rocky Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Because after all, it’s our connections, our relationships with the people and animals and everything else around us, that make life worth while, wouldn’t you agree?

But relationships aren’t always easy. And no wonder, because they are the vehicle through which we learn and grow. And growing can be painful, sometimes.

If you are a sensitive, empathic person, one of the biggest trip-ups of being in a relationship is that it’s really easy to get lost in it. You can get so identified and influenced by the other person and their emotions that it can be difficult to distinguish between your own feelings and needs and those of the other person.

To complicate things, a relationship is more than the sum of its parts. In other words, when you have a relationship between two people, in addition to Me and You, there is also an energetic entity that is the Relationship between the two of us.

Sometimes, your energies will be so vibrationally resonant that just being near the other person is energizing and healing.

And sometimes—even if you love each other—your individual energies may not mesh too well. When that happens, neither of you is likely to thrive.

If both you and the other person are relatively healthy, this may not be too bad. But if one or the other or both of you are unbalanced in any way, watch out. Because it WILL affect all aspects of your being. And it can become quite the ordeal.

That is why emotional self discipline and psychic protection are so important. Because if you’re not in control of your own mind, your own emotions, you can unconsciously wreak havoc on others. And they can wreak havoc on you. Even if you love each other.

If you are in a relationship that doesn’t feel quite right at some level, it’s critical to learn to distinguish between what’s yours and what’s theirs. Energetic cord cutting is a must; I highly suggest calling on Archangel Michael for help with this. (Or book a session with me* or another energy worker you trust to help you.)

But since the emotions that come up in a relationship situation can be so overpowering, it’s also helpful to be intellectually aware of what a healthy relationship actually looks like (or doesn’t).

Here are a few things to consider if you happen to be in a rocky relationship:

1. Spirit, Self, Others. Tune in first to higher guidance, then to your own heart, then to others’ emotions, and act accordingly. Doing it out of order is likely to throw you off track.

2. Pathos is a piss-poor substitute for passion. Learn to tell the difference.

3. A relationship that (intentionally or otherwise) results in isolation is not reflective of the Light.

4. Healthy relationships make your heart sing—a phenomenon that can’t be forced through guilt or wishful thinking.

5. Compromising one’s own integrity in a relationship is one of the most insidious forms of violence, harming not just self but everyone involved (and ultimately all of life.)

6. The body doesn’t lie. Check in with your physical reactions towards the other person – they are often more truthful than what your mind wants you to believe. (One caveat though – be aware that sexual attraction can mask all sorts of red flags. Stay in control.)

7. When a partnership is no longer a vehicle for growth, it’s acceptable and appropriate to dissolve it and allow all parties to move on to new opportunities and relationships more supportive of their highest potential. No blame, no guilt.

Finally, it can help to keep in mind that as healing happens within, so it reflects without. Whether your inner changes result in greatly improved and more loving relationships (as often happens), or you end up moving on, be assured that any balancing and strengthening you do for your inner self WILL affect your relationships, and as long as you do it in the spirit of Love, it WILL be for the highest good.

 

 

Feeling stuck in a relationship is no fun. (In fact it sucks.) Spirit animals can be super helpful allies in this department, because animals call it like it is. The awareness they bring can really help in untangling those binding relationship cords so you can finally experience healing and/or release in your relationships.

*This week only (through March 21, 2017), you can book a Spirit Animal reading and/or healing session at 14% off (since today is March 14th!) Just use coupon code lucky14 when you book your session here.

Did you enjoy this post? Christie

If you did, you will enjoy my newsletter, too. I share positive affirmations, uplifting artwork, and spiritual insights for awakening souls. You will also get a free guided meditation to help you meet your Spirit Animal! Just go to the "Cool Stuff" tab in the menu up top and click on "Newsletter" to subscribe.

When you never tell girls they can’t, part 2

Medicine bear drawingThe weekend before last I was in Milwaukee for a holistic fair. While there I had the pleasure to meet Dennis (Rocky) King, a medicine healer from the Bear Clan of the Oneida nation.

I’ve had a lot of bears come into my life lately – in dreams, in my art, and, just a few weeks ago, a bear crossed twice in front of me while visiting my aunt’s cabin near Manistique, MI. So naturally, we got to talking.

By the end of the day, we had arranged a trade. He gave me an awesome Bear Medicine healing, and I am working on a piece of art for him, featuring Medicine Bears. (The sketch above is a preparation for the final piece, which will be in watercolor.)

So, anyway, while we were talking he told me a story about two little girls.

Rocky worked for several years as a teacher’s aide on the reservation. He had a special relationship with the kids because he would listen to them and take them seriously. But one time two little second grade girls claimed something he just couldn’t bring himself to believe.

“Rocky, we can lift you up!” they said.

You have to know Rocky. He is literally a bear of a man. Tall, and big. He has to weigh at least 250 pounds. (Here is his picture, modeling for the bear painting:)

Native American Healer“No way,” he said. “You can’t lift me up.”

“Yes, we can!” they insisted. So finally he gave in and let them try.

“They each grabbed me around one of my knees,” he told me. “I grounded myself and made myself really heavy, but they just looked at each other and said ‘one, two, three!’ and on three they lifted me straight up! I couldn’t believe it! What those two little Indian girls could do.”

He said he told one of the teachers later about it and she just looked at him and said, “Rocky, you’re so funny. Tell me another one.” But when he told his medicine man mentor, the man looked serious and said, “Well, of course. Children can do amazing things, before anyone tells them they can’t.”

When Jesus said, “become like a little child,” perhaps this is part of what he meant.

Believe in yourself. You are more powerful than you know.

Did you enjoy this post? AJ McKay

Healing starts here.

"Sun Worshippers" floral painting of echinacea
“Sun Worshippers,” (echinacea.) Watercolor on paper, 8×11″. This painting is available for sale – reply below for details.

 

“Loving myself heals my life. Treating myself firmly but gently nourishes my mind, body and soul!”

If you want to change your life, start first with loving yourself. Your own loving attitude is like the warm rays of the sun that allow your soul to grow.

Sometimes it’s hard to feel loving towards ourselves, especially when we let ourselves down. It can help to think of yourself as a very small child, just learning how the world works.

If a very young child falls on her face, do you beat up on her for her mistake?

Of course not! You comfort her and set her back on the ground to try again. And you trust that she will learn to walk and then to run. Sometimes the act of falling is just what she needs to help her learn!

Stop beating up on yourself. If you fall down, brush yourself off, give yourself a hug, and set yourself down again in the right direction to take the next step towards the Light.

You’ll be amazed at how you start to bloom!

Did you enjoy this post? Christie

If you did, you will enjoy my newsletter, too. I share positive affirmations, uplifting artwork, and spiritual insights for awakening souls. You will also get a free guided meditation to help you meet your Spirit Animal! Just go to the "Cool Stuff" tab in the menu up top and click on "Newsletter" to subscribe.

Are angels real?

healing angel painting
“Healing angel,” pastel, channeled angel painting by Christie Michelsen

I used to think angels were just romantic notions. Until I started doing intuitive energy work, and started sensing them in people’s auras. (It actually took me by surprise at first!)

Do they really look like beautiful humans with halos? Well, I think they are really simply pure, loving energy. But it’s easier for many people to relate to them when they appear in human form. That’s probably why they have come through that way to me and to many other artists throughout history.

I have a technique for connecting with spiritual energies that I thought for years was just doodling. I just open my mind to the universe and allow what wants to come through to appear on the paper. Often it’s an angel.

Last spring I caught that stomach flu that was going around. Needless to say I felt miserable! One day I just had to stay in bed. But at one point I sat up and invited a drawing to come in, and this is what came through. A healing angel!

Yes, it helped me feel better. 🙂

When you are feeling sick, or depressed, or otherwise unwell, I want you to know that you do have angels surrounding you.

They do exist. They are there for you, wherever you are and whatever may be happening to you. All you have to do is call on them. They will help you on some level, I guarantee it!

(If you are interested in ordering a channeled drawing or painting of your own healing or guardian angel, contact me here!)

 

Did you enjoy this post? Christie

If you did, you will enjoy my newsletter, too. I share positive affirmations, uplifting artwork, and spiritual insights for awakening souls. You will also get a free guided meditation to help you meet your Spirit Animal! Just go to the "Cool Stuff" tab in the menu up top and click on "Newsletter" to subscribe.