Remember the story of Sisyphus, the Greek king whose trickster escapades annoyed the gods so much that he was condemned to forever push a rock uphill, only to have it tumble back down to the bottom each time he got close to the peak?
Does it ever seem like you’re forever striving to attain a goal, and consistently falling short?
Whether it’s selling your house, landing a job, or finding your soul mate, this pattern can get pretty disheartening after a while.
I’m talking things like always making it to the final round of interviews but never getting hired. Or deals falling through. Or getting passed up for that big scholarship. Or finally getting to meet that important person and putting your foot in your mouth. Or coming home disappointed from that hot date and realizing you had a booger hanging out your nose. Or funny accidents happening that keep you from being where you want to be at the right time.
If it’s just a short-term pattern, don’t worry – it’s probably just a phase, and the tide will turn soon. Just keep taking baby steps towards your goal, and you’ll get there.
But if you can look back at your life and see this as a recurring pattern (whether or not you suspect self-sabotage), that’s a sign there’s something up that needs healing.
If you can relate to this, you might want to consider spending some time with one of my favorite plant totems: the flower Gardenia.
Gardenia Flower Meaning: Self Love to Counteract Self Sabotage
The Gardenia flower deva has amazingly beautiful and powerful Divine Feminine energy that can cut right through this pattern. She’s all about Love, but not just any love. We’re talking deep, deep levels of self love.
You see, Gardenias are amazingly beautiful when they bloom. But they won’t do it without impeccable care.
Any little thing that’s off – too hot, too cold, too much water, not enough water, sunlight too bright- and they will drop their blossoms. So if you want them to bloom, you have to lavish them with love.
And you know what? It’s SO worth it. A Gardenia in bloom will fill the room with heavenly fragrance and is beautiful enough to invoke the angels.
And that’s YOU. Your soul, when you reach that point of blooming.
Gardenias only come in white, the color of purity. And that is a big part of Gardenia flower meaning. If this dreamy plant totem is coming forward for you, consider what you need to reduce out of your life that is not serving you. (Hint: look for people and things that have a harsh or unpleasant effect on you.)
Realize this, too: the gardenia isn’t typically grown for its fruit (although it does have one; its fruit is sometimes used to make a yellow dye. Yellow, the color of joy.) It’s grown for its heavenly blooms.
Gardenia flower symbolism reminds us to focus not on the goal (landing that job, making the money, finding the soul mate), but on allowing yourself to blossom, to give yourself the support and encouragement and nourishment you need to flourish.
And it’s not just for you. Because when you do, your blooming will raise up everyone around you. Just like a flowering gardenia makes everyone in the room feel amazing.
But remember – YOU are the gardener of your soul, no one else.
Gardenia says, “It’s OK to be a hot house flower. Give yourself the time you need to dream. Nourish yourself with uplifting thoughts. Lavish yourself with love. And recognise what a joy and a miracle you are, even before your flowers manifest.”
If this resonates with you, you might like to check out my latest YouTube video to hear more about Gardenia flower meaning – and to learn my favorite ways to connect with this beautiful, benevolent flower angel. 🙂
Gardenia Flower Symbolism:
- Divine Feminine
We all, at some point in our lives, end up doing things we regret.
Perhaps you were hurrying to get to work on time and ran over the cat. Or you lost your cool and spanked your kid. Or you made a stupid business decision which left you swimming in debt and unable to manifest your dreams. Or you came home drunk one too many times and now the love of your life has left you forever.
And so you’ve come to the wrenching realization that you f***ed up. Royally. And now you must face the painful consequences of your actions.
Will you Prolong the Tragedy…
Regret is a painful place to be. Not only do we feel dismay over whatever devastation we caused, but it usually brings up an entire legion of emotional specters: guilt, shame, self-doubt, worthlessness, fear. We can get mired in these emotions, sometimes for years—replaying the event over and over and mentally flogging ourselves for choices made or not made.
Perhaps the most insidious thing about regret is that it’s so easy to get sucked into the belief that by beating ourselves up we are somehow atoning for what we’ve done. That it’s somehow just and noble to suffer for our actions.
Well, it’s not.
The thoughts we dwell on affect our entire energy field. They affect our emotions, which directly affect our physical and mental health. And since other people pick up on what we’re feeling, they affect everyone around us, too.
Spending the rest of your life in regret and mourning may sound uber-romantic, but save it for your next pulp fiction novel. It’s not healthy for you or anyone you come into contact with. Essentially, it’s a refusal to let go of the tragedy—which means that when we get mired in regret, what we’re actually doing is amplifying and expanding the energy around the tragedy, which allows it to continue to cause even more suffering than it already has.
Will You Deny It…
At the other end of the spectrum is denial. At its most extreme, this shows up as a refusal to take responsibility for what happened. When we’re in denial, we play the blame game, pointing our fingers at other people, the weather, God, anywhere but ourselves.
Or, it can look like swallowing our feelings. While this can make us feel like we’re dealing with what happened, swallowing your emotions isn’t healthy either. It simply drives them deeper into your psyche, where they fester and can show up in surprising and unwelcome ways days, weeks, months, or years later in the form of emotional outbursts, depression, physical illness, etc. Again, not healthy for us or anyone else.
Or Will You Heal From It?
We can’t turn back the hands of time, as much as we might want to. We can’t undo damage that is done. But we can step forward and begin to heal from the experience. And to do that—as hard as it may be—we must forgive ourselves.
But how to forgive yourself?
I had to ask myself that the other day. Without going into details, I’d allowed myself to get caught up in a negative emotional trap and ended up lashing out in a quite hurtful way at someone I care about. While this person was generous and forgiving enough to talk it through and we are still on speaking terms, I may quite possibly have caused permanent damage to the relationship.
I knew I needed to forgive myself, but wasn’t even sure where to start. So I went within and asked my guidance. And I was given this process:
6 Steps to Self-Forgiveness: A Process for Healing From Royal F***ups
1. First, give yourself credit for owning your actions.
Taking responsibility for what happened is the first step to healing from the experience, both for you and others. There is a lesson in every negative experience. Holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes opens us up to receiving the lesson, learning it and moving on—whereas if we don’t, the lesson will keep coming up in new (and not so fun) ways until we are willing to face it and work through it.
2. Allow yourself to grieve.
Your actions resulted in loss. Grieving is necessary to process the experience, so that you and others can heal from it. (Even if there was loss of life involved, the individual who passed on will still be helped at the soul level.)
In healthy grieving, you let the emotions come up and pass through you. You don’t identify with them (wallowing), and you don’t repress them (swallowing.) Instead, you let them flow, and acknowledge and accept whatever you are feeling. As you do, instead of saying “I am sad,” or “I am angry,” tell yourself “I am feeling sad or mad.” That way, you set yourself up to control your emotions rather than the other way around.
It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve. It may take longer than you think, so be compassionate with yourself if feelings of grief are still coming up after you think you should be over it by now. Dedicating time to grieve your loss in a safe space will help you to process it more easily and more thoroughly.
3. Observe your emotions.
Don’t do this right away; let the feelings flow first. But once you’ve had some time to feel your emotions, start paying attention to exactly what these emotions are. You may be experiencing multiple emotions. Identify as many as you can.
As you do this, you may hear yourself speaking pretty harshly to yourself. Some of this negative self-talk might be related to the loss itself. (“I’m so stupid, how could I have done that?”) But you might also notice negative self-talk coming up around your own reactions to the loss.
For example, “OMG, my negligence caused my employee to break his leg and my big worry is not about his well being but that I’ll be stressed this week with him not there, what kind of a monster am I?” As you identify your emotions, be sure to also acknowledge the emotions behind this self-talk (such as feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, or lack.)
4. Find the core wound(s) behind your emotions.
Staying in the observer role, the next step is to let your emotions speak. Ask them directly, one by one, why they feel the way they do. For example, ask your anger: “Why are you feeling angry?” You might get a response like, “Nobody hears me, nobody sees me, I’m being abandoned and ignored, I’m not being given the love or acknowledgement I need, and I’m pissed about it.”
Write down everything it says, and then ask it if that is all. It may have more to say. If not, then move on and repeat the process with all the emotions you observed in Step 3.
Based on what your emotions say, you should be able to identify the core wounds that caused them. For instance, with the anger example above, we are dealing with abandonment (“I’m being abandoned and ignored”) and lack (“I’m not getting what I need.”)
5. Work to heal your core wounds.
Awareness is the first step to healing. Once you’re aware of your core wounds, there are many ways to go about healing them. You may want to use multiple methods.
One very powerful healing method is to use positive affirmations. To continue the example above, we might create an affirmation like: “I am being showered with love, attention, gifts, and blessings. The needs of my heart, mind, body, and soul are filled to overflowing. I feel loved and fulfilled.”
(Tip: When healing emotional wounds, be sure to connect your affirmations with positive emotions to replace the negative ones you want to heal, and really allow yourself to feel the new, positive emotions as you say the affirmation to yourself.)
If you find that your wounds keep coming up despite affirmations or other methods, you might consider requesting a shamanic healing session to help clear out stubborn negative energy that might still be hanging on, and/or bring back parts of your soul that may have gotten lost due to traumatic experiences in this or other lifetimes.
6. Finally, find your lessons and give thanks for them.
However hard, there was a reason for this experience. There may actually be many multiple reasons, many of which will be unknowable.
But the reason YOU experienced it is to flush up misalignments in your psyche and bring them into your life in a tangible way so that you can become aware of them, work through them, and heal them. As you look back over the experience, see if you can identify the lesson behind it. And be sure to give thanks for the lesson learned.
- Start with a mental concept, idea, or image. Something you want to have happen, or come into your life.
- Then, attach a positive emotion to that idea. The stronger the emotion, the more powerful its effect.
- Finally, get your body to start vibrating at the frequency of that emotion. You WILL start to see shifts in your life if you do this.
OK, so it’s an Aries moon which can bring up some pretty blunt feelings to say the least. And there’s a dynamic in the lightworker community that I’m starting to feel really needs to be brought up and addressed.
(Do you sense a rant coming on? Don’t say you weren’t warned!)
So here goes: It feels to me like in a certain respect we as a spiritual community have had our collective heads up our butts. (Myself included.)
We have been so busy purging and fighting the inner demons and all that crap that we’re just forgetting that we’re here to be in the world and make it better. Just one moment at a time.
Not run out and be super warriors and save the world. I don’t mean that. (It’s authentic for a few but I don’t think for most of us.) I’m actually struggling for words to express what I mean, but I think Tolkein portrayed it pretty well when he described the Shire. The magic of normal, every day, drama-free existence. Just working towards being grounded and HAPPY.
Yes, I know there’s a lot of heavy stuff out there in the world. A LOT of stuff still be purged. A lot of work to do. I’m not denying that. And we are doing a great job with the necessary purging, we really are.
It’s just that I think sometimes as a collective, the lightworker community gets a little stuck in a rut and starts recirculating that “stuff” instead of really just sending it off to the light and being done with it.
A friend of mine put it best. She called it an “addiction to drama.”
Are We Addicted to Drama?
There is a lot of fear showing up right now, even from highly spiritual people. Fear of taking on others’ energy. Fear of being misguided, manipulated, led astray.
And yes, one has to practice discretion and common sense spiritual protection. But fear begets fear. And focusing in on these things is like walking down a dark alley with your wallet bulging out your pocket.
Honestly. Spend a little while on YouTube or in lightworker chat rooms and you’ll hear all sorts of stuff. Like conspiracy theories: “we’re being manipulated,” blah blah blah and maybe we are – but think about it. What happens when a whole bunch of us start focusing in on how we are being manipulated? Getting us all caught up in following conspiracy theories sounds like an awesome way to take us out of real action to me. We’re doing it to ourselves.
And how about this one? “Life on Earth. Oh, man. This sucks. Can’t wait to go home. ”
Excuse me, but fuck. Yeah, it’s not all perfume and roses down here, but that complaining really stinks. Frankly, it’s just become a major distraction.
I think sometimes if we just forget ourselves for a minute and just choose to be in the world a bit more and enjoy and appreciate the mundane, everyday things that are here – the flowers and nice food and each other, even stuff like toothpaste or the smell of a newly sharpened pencil, just really notice and appreciate it all showing up in our lives-the world might just become a little more magical a little quicker.
We are such empaths, the lot of us. We ping emotions off each other. The whole dissatisfaction thing is exhausting and an energy drain. Why not start to really consciously, collectively decide we’re just ready to be DONE with it?
Seriously. What would happen if every time we caught ourselves complaining, we shifted to finding something to praise or be grateful about instead?
We know this. It’s just we don’t always do it. But maybe it’s time to level up a bit and get a bit more conscious and a little more diligent about practicing. As a COMMUNITY as well as on an individual level.
It’s time to step into our power, don’t you think? But that takes a LOT of discipline. And a lot of awareness. Starting with recognizing crappy emotions that aren’t really ours as what they are- bullshit.
I am just as guilty as anyone of this stuff. That’s why it’s coming forward for me so strongly right now. Haha – another purge! But maybe one that will help to clear up some of this stuff that has been floating around like space garbage gunking up the ethers for all of us.
So what can we do about it?
In addition to what’s mentioned above, here are some suggestions, offered to me by Archangel Michael.
- Take the time to check in and reconnect. Refill your cup. That is how to maintain the joy. Trust in what you know is true. Go within.
- Do not buy into others’ fear, no matter how advanced they may seem.
- You can choose the emotions you want to. That is, emotions are served to you as though on a platter. You are free to select those that meet your needs. Think about that!
I can feel the rant coming to an end. So I’m going to close with this:
“Is it my shit, or someone else’s?”
It’s a lot easier to get rid of stuff if you know it isn’t yours. So I asked Archangel Michael how to tell if the “stuff” I am experiencing is my own crap I need to work through, or if it’s stuff that’s actually someone else’s and doesn’t even belong to me.
Here is what he told me:
“The short answer is, none of these emotions are ‘really yours,’ and all are. You are the all, and you are the void. You are the consciousness. You have the power to decide. You are never ‘under the control’ of another, you can’t be hijacked or attacked, unless this is something you choose to experience.
You are invited to begin the practice of discernment, not just distinguishing between things, but in actively choosing them. Just as you select the palette of colors you will use in a painting from all the colors available to you to use, you may choose the emotions you wish to play with from all the ones presented to you. In this way you begin to paint the picture of reality that you want to create.
What do you think? Time to REALLY start creating the reality we want, rather than the one we’re afraid of?